Random thoughts

What makes a winner a winner?

The definition of winning has two parts, the first is achieving your objective; the second is beating others.

The average person's frustration of not winning, or the fear of losing, comes mostly from the second part. Nobody wants to be beaten by someone else. The mentality of why losing is so bad is deeply rooted in our mind during our upbringing. Which is especially true for Asian cultures. The interesting part is, most often our parents never told us the direct consequences of losing, other than getting slapped. When we were kids, we were told to never lose. What happens if you lose a game of soccer in primary school? Nothing. What if you win? Nothing happens either. It's probably because playing soccer is a zero-sum game, one team's gain inevitably becomes the other team's loss.

If you want to become a winner, the second definition is not what you need. A true winner is someone who has the victory in his heart, never getting discouraged by cosmetic losses that bring no intrinsic harm. Even when a crowd is yelling "FAILLLL!" at him, his passion remains burning. This person knows what he wants. The world today has too many tempting offers, way more than what's good for your mental health. Making one choice always come with various opportunity costs. Knowing who you are, what you truly want, only that will help you stand your ground when the earth crumbles beneath other people's feet. And beware, there are people out there who intentionally make you feel bad so they can feel better about themselves. Acting cocky is a common way employed by insecure people to hide their lack of confidence. Next time another jokester wants to pick on you, tell him to GO FUCK HIMSELF.

With a strong mind comes strong will of action. Saying things is not enough, doing things is necessary; having the knowledge is inadequate, knowing how to apply the knowledge is the winner's way. On your journey towards winning, you will run into vairous obstacles. One is called cowardice, it takes away your ability of doing what you should, and laughs at you. The other is idiocy, not knowing who you are and what you want, some shady figure that puts you on the wrong path in your life, and when you realize what you've done, it's too late. A third one is called sloth, it drains your energy, turning you into a powerless wimp. A fourth one is envy, it puts your eyes on what other people have, letting you forget what you want. And the other ones? Nah I don't even bother to mention them one by one.

Don't focus on the wordplay known as "failure", because there is no such thing. Even if you don't achieve your objective, the process of getting there is rewarding enough. With it comes experience. Without the so-called "failure" there can be no growth. Oh by the way, whenever you encounter somebody who's thinking in terms of failure, I advice you to keep your distance. Keep your intent strong in your head, vague through your words, and assertive through your actions, a balance that is mastered with experience. Remove all obstacles. If one of your best friend is messing up your chance of getting what you want, remain friend with him but don't bring him along to your conquest.

When we were young, our parents taught us, everything has a price.

The food you eat, clothes you wear cost you money. Driving a car costs you gasoline. Eating nothing, the price you pay is hunger and malnourishment. Eating too much, the price is obesity. In short, no matter what you do, you end up paying something.

If you expand the concept further, even the non-materialistic things come with their prices.

When we were kids, mother said: "You are such a good kid! Mommy love you!"

What we heard is: love is conditional. Being a good kid means being loved by your parents. It's equivalent to: the only way you can be loved by your parents is being a good kid.

At home, the elderly in our family said: "Study hard, attend a prestigious university. Then you'll be something."

It means, only by admitted into an elite university, you become special. Otherwise you are nobody.

In school, the teachers told us: "Study hard so you can find a good job. Only then you can live happily ever after."

So happiness comes with a job, and the price you pay for getting one is taking your time studying.

When we finally got a job, our boss commanded us: "Work slave! Work! If you work hard then you can get your salary. If you have money then you can get married and have kids."

What they are trying to say is, if you want to enjoy the life of a family man, you need to work like a mindless drone. The love of your soul mate has its price.

In the end, we finally realize that we've been had.

Even with degree and job, family, money, happiness and satisfaction won't always come along. What we seek have always eluded us. In our despair, we try harder. Some people work overtime to earn that extra money they believe will do the trick. Some people devote their whole life in a career, hoping one day they'll get a promotion and be content. But they are wrong. Some have worked to their last breathe, others keep seeking until they can't go on anymore. The modern man is a jaded man. Burdened by responsibilities oozing from every direction, barely standing on his own feet.

The fact they never perceived is, those things they seek are not conditional. Love is not conditional; happiness is not conditional; living a content life should've never been made conditional. You don't need reasons to love someone and be loved. People with job can feel they should be happy for having a job. But even people without a real job can enjoy life.

Happiness doesn't come from having a job, a family, wealth, or even the most basic requirements for a good life. Happiness is there as long as you want it, and find it among even the smallest pleasures in your life. Like taking a beer with your friends and telling some joke, or playing a song for the person you like most. Before, my parents always criticized our poor relatives for being uneducated and deprived of ambition. They lived in poverty but remained content nevertheless. Years passed, my parents don't point my relatives the fingers anymore. I guess even an university professor can learn a lot about life from an average laborer. This professor happens to be my mom.

It reminded me of a story I read: one American Harvard student and one Mexican fisherman were talking about life. The American said he would finish first in his class. He'll work on Wall Street, accumulate some wealth and fortune. Once the retirement is here, he'll buy a house on an island in the Caribbean, drinking all night long next to a bonfire, playing a banjo and surround himself with beautiful girls. The Mexican said: man, this is how I live my life every day!

Do you hear me? If you want to live a life in paradise, you don't have to live through hell to get there. Never.

zt：美国大学生无论自己考试成绩多烂，但总认为自己最好~~~美国教育杂谈

美国的大学生无论考分如何低，都觉得自己是最好的；无论观点如何幼稚，都觉得自己是最重要的。大多数美国大学生在课堂上都自我感觉良好，特把自己当根葱。他们在班上当众发言可以侃侃而谈，面对校外的公众演讲也同样从容不迫。美国教育中似乎的确有一个魔幻环节，让学生们年纪轻轻，就怀有这样的自信和从容。

在我看来，美国教育的最亮点在于：它可以把一个学生的数理化都教得很差很差，却让这个学生相信自己画的画很像毕加索的。这个系统完全就是有预谋地忽略学生的缺点，同时拼命发掘和培养学生的优点。因此很多机关巧妙的鼓励教育被发明出来，但是却很少有像样的严厉的惩罚教育。从小到大，学生从家长和老师那里听到的都是：你是最棒的！（即使不是最棒的），你也是最独特的（这句话非常保险。就是运用最精密的科学计算，这句话也一点都不错）！所以在美国人心里，“与众不同”是一个很有腔势的褒义词。美国大学生做什么都显得自信满满，因为做的好做得差都十分独特，十分“与众不同。”

学生们毕业的时候，甚至有些在还没有大学毕业的时候，就大体能了解到自己擅长和喜欢做的事。大学的四年里，他们可以选不同专业的课、做不同的课外工作、通过实习来尝试到底什么最适合自己。大学教育的成功并不在于灌输了多少知识，而在于让学生有足够的机会了解和发现自己，并且建立更多的自信。学生选择专业与工作的一个十分重要的标准是看自己是否有兴趣。兴趣比赚多少来得重要。因为感觉自己是根葱，美国的大学生从来不在钱上面委屈自己。钱算什么东西？自己的兴趣和时间才最重要。有兴趣才有创造力，有创造力才能赚钱。虽然美国人以数学不好著称，这个公式却算得没错。

“不委屈自己”这样的信条不但体现在赚钱花钱上，也体现在读书生活的各个方面。在土生土长的美国学生里面，很少见到压抑的个性。所以虽然美国的外交政策在全世界都不那么讨好，美国人的阳光笑容还是自有它的一番感染力。美国学生只要是遭遇不平，一定不会默默忍受。即使个性安静的，内心也非常的骄傲强大。如果对考分有争议，他们说的最多的一句话就是：这对我不公平。其实，几乎对任何有争议的事情，学生说的最多的都是：这对我不公平。美国学生对自己的权利维护得非常好。做老师的，最重要就是要一碗水端平。对自己心爱和不心爱的学生都要完全一致。比如有个好的实习机会，做老师的就要对全班所有人宣布这个机会，让大家公平竞争，而不是把机会留给自己喜欢的学生。

大学教授再不懂如何教学的，也深知一句鼓励学生提问的很管用的口头禅：没有愚蠢的问题……换句话说，无论学生的提问有多么愚蠢，做老师的一样要耐心解释。并且不能丝毫流露出对学生智商的怀疑。我上过一个给教师开的教学学习班。在班上传道的老教授被问到：如果学生问了一个刚刚解释过的问题该怎么办？老教授说：那就再解释一遍！无论多么有个性的教授，我也从来没有见过敢于当众出言羞辱或者打击学生的。最多拿学生开个无伤大雅，也不伤心情的玩笑。对于叛逆的学生，只要他不触犯校规，完全是听之任之。既没有班长来以身作则，也没有班主任的循循善诱，甚至根本没有班级一说。学生的“思想政治工作”是开了一个大大的天窗。

大学教育从来都不是双人舞。学生和教授的流利配合固然重要。但是学生自信不自信，从容不从容，很大程度上和整个社会如何要求和对待他们相关。美国的个人主义不但在校园盛行，在社会的各个地方都很走俏。在培植个性的同时，不让“个性”伤人的办法之一就是对他人的尊重。所以美国学生在展示他们亮丽的个性尾巴的时候也同时被要求考虑他人的感受