回瑞典已经三周了。我清晰地记得在康奈尔度过的最后一天：跟着Keenan，Josh，Cynthia和昊哥，我们几个从下午一点吃午饭直到凌晨四点才依依不舍地挥别。再见这句话，跟他们几个就说了四遍。夏天大学里人不多。还没离开的好友也就那么几个。我在最后一天还见了Marwan和Selina，另外我的荷兰室友也从西海岸旅行回来了。我站在路边跟Selina聊了半个小时。等Keenan一行人驾车招摇开过，Selina回去休息了。她几天前感冒了，还没好。Cynthia问我说她是不是我原先提起的女孩。我说是。她问我是不是还喜欢她，我反问道“有这么明显吗？”Cynthia说能看出来。不是特明显，但能看出来。后来Josh问我，如果我选择在Cornell再留一年，我是不是要继续追她。我说这是毫无疑问的。暂时，这段故事只能是像张震岳的《思念是一种病》：“那些人事物会离我远去，而我们也终究会远离，变成回忆”。因为Selina，我跟Joyce还有过一场小小的误会。她这个来自香港传统家庭的女孩太敏感了。
Cynthia刚才问我的那句话，让我陷入了短暂的沉思。Selina这朵花，因为我的犹豫和零行动，被Ed（化名）摘去了。但我能看得出她还是有些心思不定。关于Ed，她从来不跟我提起一个字。她也从没对我说自己花名有主。每次她给我发facebook短信她都要换照片，好像故意不要让我看到她跟Ed的合影。人在康桥，我们有缘相遇，无缘相处。也许未来有一天我们会重逢。到那时，我再不会是一年前的那个小男孩了。其实我心里对Selina没有任何怨念。况且我第二学期也没少跟随欧派交换生们去夜店happy，干些“不三不四”的事情。我不是什么受害者。我在康奈尔的时间短，等不到她跟Ed分手那天。心里保留对她的信念，同时也不把太多牵挂压注在一个人身上。该玩的还是要玩。
晚上，我们一行人回Von Cramm看了《The Wolfman》。几个爷们说话没遮拦，上来就问如果狼人上了片中女主角，生下来的崽子是狼还是人？Cynthia只好装没听见。电影结束后我回屋打包，朋友们在一旁帮忙。男生们翻出了我买的APB光碟，又是一阵骚动。Keenan对此事看得很开，他说我是铸造一把新的PUA武器。三点半，Nino从Collegetown一路走来道别。等到客人们都回家时，已经是四点了。我的大巴凌晨七点启程，我在床上躺了半小时，觉得实在睡不着。可能是归家之旅前的兴奋，也可能是白天那一大杯Mate latte的咖啡因。于是起床。上网看信，发信，检查机票车票都在。楼上的Natalie每天四五点钟出去观鸟。可惜那天没有。我也就没跟她道别。凌晨六点，我最后走遍了楼里所有的走廊和公共房间。这毕竟是我最近十个月的家啊。我记得第一个学期我一点都不喜欢这个宿舍。因为嫌人太少，你就是跟一两个人谈不来都很别扭。幸好几个令我不爽的家伙搬出去了，剩下的我一人就能摆平。第二学期，我在Von Cramm住得舒服到不想搬走的程度。可我还是要离开了。我到楼下，打开了通往后院的大门。猜猜谁在那里？住在我们后院的土拨鼠Chimi！我今年很少看见他，想必是因为睡懒觉。Chimi奇怪地看看我，觉得不安全，溜了。这就是再见了。
最后一个跟我说过话的Crammie是宿舍管事Stephanie，按条例她要收走我的钥匙。她也是我最后说道别的人了。我把五十公斤的行李分成两个箱，一手一个往坡上的Baker Flagpole拽。二百多米的上坡路我歇了四回才到头。天，已经大亮了。外面是阴雨。我想起十一月底去纽约见Selina天公也没给笑脸。那时候我还挺担心公车突然被取消而走不成。裹挟着雨点的寒风吹来，我拿出了红底白字的Cornell外套，穿在Cornell Engineering的T恤外。十个月前来到Cornell的时候，我是个nobody；离去的时候，我想骄傲地称自己是个Cornellian。上车的那一刻，我脑子里不由地想起一句话：
悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。
Newark Liberty国际机场与来时一模一样，包括游弋于机场屋檐下的来自世界各地的人。在托运行李排队时，身边的一个墨西哥游客突然用西班牙语问我话，我只好用英语回答说我不讲西班牙语。他看上去很友好，要不是语言不通，我肯定会跟他聊起来。等到进入了候机厅，耳边的瑞典语猛然间多起来了。说了一年英语和中文，我感觉有些听不惯瑞典语这个“乡音”。看到身边一个个金发碧眼的瑞典人，我没有丝毫兴奋。当初来美国对我来说是步入一个未知世界。在美国我要寻找新的开始，打出一片新的天下。回瑞典则更像撤退。我知道瑞典有什么，和没有什么。在瑞典，我身边鲜有能在intellect，emotion，humor层面上与我同等的挚友。在美国，这样的人却不少见。跟我朝夕相处的美国朋友们，我每天都能从他们那里学到很多关于人生和世界的新事物。身为射手座，我最不能容忍的就是循规蹈矩。美国是个自由世界，瑞典对我来说，则象征着一成不变。归途带来的，更多是忐忑不安。虽然我在美国坚信“决定命运的是性格，而不是环境”，可瑞典毕竟不同。我到底能不能把美国给我的自信和霸气带回北欧呢？
九个小时的航班很快就到达了目的地。出关的时候，我见到了离别一年的父母。我在美国的这段时间，家里发生了很多大事。母亲经历了一场大手术，父亲也有了新的变动。而我第一眼看到的，只是父母头上添了几束白发。美国让我长大成人，但我的离去又催老了父母。原先想回到美国大展宏图，看到父母这个样子，我心里又舍不得离开他们。上车的那一刻，我真的很想哭。但是，我忍住了。不能让父母看到我的眼泪。不要用眼泪毁掉重逢的喜悦。我在车上与父亲讨论世界杯，NBA，世博，和美国，我们从来没有像现在这样聊得开。后来我累得倒头睡去。三小时车程后，我回到了林雪平的家。还是昏昏欲睡的我在小屋床上躺下，回想着最近两天的还乡孤旅。美国，北欧，中国，这三个世界，不管我最终会选择哪个，此时此刻，这些对我都不重要。我只要睡个好觉。
悄悄的我，回来了。
måndag 12 juli 2010
tisdag 4 maj 2010
解读Asian Playboy，世界第一的亚裔把妹专家
在全世界的几个大城市里，都隐藏著由几个男人为首所组成的地下夜生活团体“诱惑小组（seduction lair）”，这些人自诩为“把妹艺术家”（pickup artists），各个身怀绝技，各有一套把妹的门道与理论，并把每次的泡妞行动化为文字贴到讨论区与网友们分享，讨论最新的把妹技巧和战术。此学科简称泡学。
几年前，Neil Strauss（此人是第一代把妹高手中的佼佼者）出版过一本畅销书，“The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists”，首次揭露了把妹团体的存在。不久，美国电视台VH1拍播了真人秀，“The Pick-Up Artist”，由世界第一的把妹高手Mystery（又称迷男）传授十位年轻处男把妹技巧，从中选出一位得意门生，将其训练成为令女性无可抗拒的一流把妹艺人。尽管有媒体的轮番轰炸，真正的把妹艺术家隐蔽地活动，他们的招数和技巧只能被同行人识破。他们大多数时间依靠化名来掩盖自己的真实身份。在这个灯红酒醉的夜生活背景下，他们如同昔日的Casanova，用迷妹当作自己的精神动力。
越南裔的Jerry Tran，化名Asian Playboy（简称APB）出生在美国德州。在成为职业性把妹专家前，他曾经在弗罗里达理工学院（Florida Institute of Technology）攻习宇宙航天工程学。“当我大学毕业，搬到加州时才发现，我的社交能力惨不忍睹。”他说，“所以，我决定用实际行动来改变这一切。”
身为工程师，他运用起自己最拿手的技巧：研究，自学，逆向工程来破解一个个社交场所下的潜在规律，以及夜生活一个个约定成俗的行为准则。
在互联网上，Tran找到了Erik von Markovik，也就是化名Mystery（迷男）的第一代高手。迷男组织过训练营：连续几天从傍晚到凌晨，学生们先是在教室里倾听迷男解剖把妹技巧，邻近午夜时分跟随把妹高手进入夜店现场实践。报名参加迷男的训练营是成为把妹艺人的第一步。不过真正的技术飞跃是来自训练营结束后的几星期，这段时间被人戏称为“初学者地狱”。
“有时候，我每周出去训练四到七次。”Tran讲述自己为了征服“接近焦虑”的努力。“接近焦虑”泛指在跟陌生女性搭话前的恐惧感。恐惧的来源之一是这个漂亮女人可能花名有主，与其搭讪会惹怒其男友从而对自己不利。只有征服了接近焦虑之后，人才会“进入状态”。
上面讲的是四年前的Asian Playboy（APB）。从那之后，他的名望一跃而起，成为了一代大师级的把妹专家。同时，他开办了一家公司，出售自己发明的一套把妹系统，“ABCs of Attraction”。现在的APB周游世界，开办训练营，带领亚裔和各国少数民族男性征服夜场所。在2007年的好莱坞全球泡学峰会上，他被人一致选为“世界第一的亚裔把妹艺人”。
尽管APB承认过传统的欧美系泡学对亚洲男性也通用，但他强调在媒体的刻板印象作用下，一个专门针对亚裔的系统是不可忽略的。“对于我们亚洲人来说，不管走到哪里，别人对我们都流传着刻板的看法：我们身材矮小，歧视女性，寻求稳定，毫无男人气概，生殖器小，没有任何性感可言。”Tran说道。
在深痛理解生存在西方社会的亚洲男性的所会遭受的挫折的同时，APB承认，他的理论系统并不适合所有人。“有很多人仇视我。对一个人来说，你要么付出实际行动来改变自己的命运，要么沉醉在个人的自卑里不可自拔。对于后者，我无力援助。他们不想对自己的平庸生活负责。”
APB的训练营连续三天，每天从傍晚六点到凌晨三点。每晚开始的三四个小时用来讲课，接下来学生们被带到邻近的夜店尝试新学来的技巧。凌晨夜店关门后，学生们便汇聚一堂讨论当晚的“战果”。
在近期一个纽约训练营里，学生们的年龄从二十出头到三十不等，大部分都有常春藤院校的学位，有些还在金融，法律界工作。他们社交能力并不是特差或毫无个人魅力，但是每一个的学生背后都有共同的动力：对自己社交生活的不满意，想要拥有上等男人的主宰权力。
Tran让学生们在同异性交往中运用自己的身世背景，而不是忽略它。“有些亚裔男性为了得到女人的芳心恨不得变成白人，他们最终会成功。这类人痛恨自身为亚裔所代表的一切。但还有一种人却活得超常亚洲化，他们在中国城出没，只跟亚洲女性来往，他们也会成功。这两类人都属于：尽管是亚裔但也会成功。我教的是：要因为你是亚裔所以让你有女人缘。比如说：西方女性很少把我们看成是强奸犯，女人在我们身边不会担心人身安全。这些是我们有利的，但是，我们必须还要表现得更加性感，更加直接了当。”
Tran提到所有泡学的精髓，与物化女人有很大关联。这是他唯一的痛楚。泡学系统教导男人们如何利用女人的心理弱点接近并降服她们。“这一学说的很多事物带有对女性的歧视。” Tran交代，“我尽量以身作则，不做些伤害人的事情。但同时，我不传授社会伦理学，我的学生们如何运用这套技术，这完全要看他们。”
大家大概很容易猜到：反对APB的群体大有人在。“有很多亚裔组织仇恨我，尤其是亚裔女权运动。她们对我恨之入骨。从性文化来看，亚洲是唯一一个女人性权利超过男人的地方。” Tran说。
亚裔把妹艺人们通过提升自己的性吸引力可以做到两点：平衡亚裔与非亚裔婚姻的“一边倒”（亚裔女性找非亚裔男性的比例大大超出亚裔男性找非亚裔女性）；以自身做反例，打破西方传统文化中“娘娘腔的亚裔男人”的刻板印象。Tran没有反对人们说他的系统物化女性，他鼓励人们阅女无数。
“这有错吗？”Tran提出，“从一个群体的角度来看，白人男性在这方面比我们强多了。我们所做的一切只不过让亚裔们提升到可以与白人男性一起竞争的水平。对亚裔女人来说，我们亚裔男人通常是她们最后的选择。如果你身边可以作为配偶的异性一个个都离你而去，你的自信当然要受到影响。”
最后，Asian Playboy指出：“我对女人从来不撒谎。”每次他邀请献给女人的，只是“一段愉快的时光”。
训练营的最后一晚，在旅店楼顶的夜总会里，Asian Playboy背对着吧台，偷偷观摩自己新招来的一帮得意门生。他的把妹系统的效用无需置疑：学生们都充满自信地游动着整个房间，与一组组外表引人入胜，事业蒸蒸日上的女人们亲切交谈。这里金发女郎，黑发女子，应有尽有。
“这不是很好吗？我在我的天空下！”APB一边自豪地说着，一边隐入了人群中。
本文基于AsianWeeks的英文报道：http://www.asianweek.com/2008/02/08/proselytizing-%E2%80%98the-game%E2%80%99/
söndag 25 april 2010
Random thoughts
What makes a winner a winner?
The definition of winning has two parts, the first is achieving your objective; the second is beating others.
The average person's frustration of not winning, or the fear of losing, comes mostly from the second part. Nobody wants to be beaten by someone else. The mentality of why losing is so bad is deeply rooted in our mind during our upbringing. Which is especially true for Asian cultures. The interesting part is, most often our parents never told us the direct consequences of losing, other than getting slapped. When we were kids, we were told to never lose. What happens if you lose a game of soccer in primary school? Nothing. What if you win? Nothing happens either. It's probably because playing soccer is a zero-sum game, one team's gain inevitably becomes the other team's loss.
If you want to become a winner, the second definition is not what you need. A true winner is someone who has the victory in his heart, never getting discouraged by cosmetic losses that bring no intrinsic harm. Even when a crowd is yelling "FAILLLL!" at him, his passion remains burning. This person knows what he wants. The world today has too many tempting offers, way more than what's good for your mental health. Making one choice always come with various opportunity costs. Knowing who you are, what you truly want, only that will help you stand your ground when the earth crumbles beneath other people's feet. And beware, there are people out there who intentionally make you feel bad so they can feel better about themselves. Acting cocky is a common way employed by insecure people to hide their lack of confidence. Next time another jokester wants to pick on you, tell him to GO FUCK HIMSELF.
With a strong mind comes strong will of action. Saying things is not enough, doing things is necessary; having the knowledge is inadequate, knowing how to apply the knowledge is the winner's way. On your journey towards winning, you will run into vairous obstacles. One is called cowardice, it takes away your ability of doing what you should, and laughs at you. The other is idiocy, not knowing who you are and what you want, some shady figure that puts you on the wrong path in your life, and when you realize what you've done, it's too late. A third one is called sloth, it drains your energy, turning you into a powerless wimp. A fourth one is envy, it puts your eyes on what other people have, letting you forget what you want. And the other ones? Nah I don't even bother to mention them one by one.
Don't focus on the wordplay known as "failure", because there is no such thing. Even if you don't achieve your objective, the process of getting there is rewarding enough. With it comes experience. Without the so-called "failure" there can be no growth. Oh by the way, whenever you encounter somebody who's thinking in terms of failure, I advice you to keep your distance. Keep your intent strong in your head, vague through your words, and assertive through your actions, a balance that is mastered with experience. Remove all obstacles. If one of your best friend is messing up your chance of getting what you want, remain friend with him but don't bring him along to your conquest.
When we were young, our parents taught us, everything has a price.
The food you eat, clothes you wear cost you money. Driving a car costs you gasoline. Eating nothing, the price you pay is hunger and malnourishment. Eating too much, the price is obesity. In short, no matter what you do, you end up paying something.
If you expand the concept further, even the non-materialistic things come with their prices.
When we were kids, mother said: "You are such a good kid! Mommy love you!"
What we heard is: love is conditional. Being a good kid means being loved by your parents. It's equivalent to: the only way you can be loved by your parents is being a good kid.
At home, the elderly in our family said: "Study hard, attend a prestigious university. Then you'll be something."
It means, only by admitted into an elite university, you become special. Otherwise you are nobody.
In school, the teachers told us: "Study hard so you can find a good job. Only then you can live happily ever after."
So happiness comes with a job, and the price you pay for getting one is taking your time studying.
When we finally got a job, our boss commanded us: "Work slave! Work! If you work hard then you can get your salary. If you have money then you can get married and have kids."
What they are trying to say is, if you want to enjoy the life of a family man, you need to work like a mindless drone. The love of your soul mate has its price.
In the end, we finally realize that we've been had.
Even with degree and job, family, money, happiness and satisfaction won't always come along. What we seek have always eluded us. In our despair, we try harder. Some people work overtime to earn that extra money they believe will do the trick. Some people devote their whole life in a career, hoping one day they'll get a promotion and be content. But they are wrong. Some have worked to their last breathe, others keep seeking until they can't go on anymore. The modern man is a jaded man. Burdened by responsibilities oozing from every direction, barely standing on his own feet.
The fact they never perceived is, those things they seek are not conditional. Love is not conditional; happiness is not conditional; living a content life should've never been made conditional. You don't need reasons to love someone and be loved. People with job can feel they should be happy for having a job. But even people without a real job can enjoy life.
Happiness doesn't come from having a job, a family, wealth, or even the most basic requirements for a good life. Happiness is there as long as you want it, and find it among even the smallest pleasures in your life. Like taking a beer with your friends and telling some joke, or playing a song for the person you like most. Before, my parents always criticized our poor relatives for being uneducated and deprived of ambition. They lived in poverty but remained content nevertheless. Years passed, my parents don't point my relatives the fingers anymore. I guess even an university professor can learn a lot about life from an average laborer. This professor happens to be my mom.
It reminded me of a story I read: one American Harvard student and one Mexican fisherman were talking about life. The American said he would finish first in his class. He'll work on Wall Street, accumulate some wealth and fortune. Once the retirement is here, he'll buy a house on an island in the Caribbean, drinking all night long next to a bonfire, playing a banjo and surround himself with beautiful girls. The Mexican said: man, this is how I live my life every day!
Do you hear me? If you want to live a life in paradise, you don't have to live through hell to get there. Never.
The definition of winning has two parts, the first is achieving your objective; the second is beating others.
The average person's frustration of not winning, or the fear of losing, comes mostly from the second part. Nobody wants to be beaten by someone else. The mentality of why losing is so bad is deeply rooted in our mind during our upbringing. Which is especially true for Asian cultures. The interesting part is, most often our parents never told us the direct consequences of losing, other than getting slapped. When we were kids, we were told to never lose. What happens if you lose a game of soccer in primary school? Nothing. What if you win? Nothing happens either. It's probably because playing soccer is a zero-sum game, one team's gain inevitably becomes the other team's loss.
If you want to become a winner, the second definition is not what you need. A true winner is someone who has the victory in his heart, never getting discouraged by cosmetic losses that bring no intrinsic harm. Even when a crowd is yelling "FAILLLL!" at him, his passion remains burning. This person knows what he wants. The world today has too many tempting offers, way more than what's good for your mental health. Making one choice always come with various opportunity costs. Knowing who you are, what you truly want, only that will help you stand your ground when the earth crumbles beneath other people's feet. And beware, there are people out there who intentionally make you feel bad so they can feel better about themselves. Acting cocky is a common way employed by insecure people to hide their lack of confidence. Next time another jokester wants to pick on you, tell him to GO FUCK HIMSELF.
With a strong mind comes strong will of action. Saying things is not enough, doing things is necessary; having the knowledge is inadequate, knowing how to apply the knowledge is the winner's way. On your journey towards winning, you will run into vairous obstacles. One is called cowardice, it takes away your ability of doing what you should, and laughs at you. The other is idiocy, not knowing who you are and what you want, some shady figure that puts you on the wrong path in your life, and when you realize what you've done, it's too late. A third one is called sloth, it drains your energy, turning you into a powerless wimp. A fourth one is envy, it puts your eyes on what other people have, letting you forget what you want. And the other ones? Nah I don't even bother to mention them one by one.
Don't focus on the wordplay known as "failure", because there is no such thing. Even if you don't achieve your objective, the process of getting there is rewarding enough. With it comes experience. Without the so-called "failure" there can be no growth. Oh by the way, whenever you encounter somebody who's thinking in terms of failure, I advice you to keep your distance. Keep your intent strong in your head, vague through your words, and assertive through your actions, a balance that is mastered with experience. Remove all obstacles. If one of your best friend is messing up your chance of getting what you want, remain friend with him but don't bring him along to your conquest.
When we were young, our parents taught us, everything has a price.
The food you eat, clothes you wear cost you money. Driving a car costs you gasoline. Eating nothing, the price you pay is hunger and malnourishment. Eating too much, the price is obesity. In short, no matter what you do, you end up paying something.
If you expand the concept further, even the non-materialistic things come with their prices.
When we were kids, mother said: "You are such a good kid! Mommy love you!"
What we heard is: love is conditional. Being a good kid means being loved by your parents. It's equivalent to: the only way you can be loved by your parents is being a good kid.
At home, the elderly in our family said: "Study hard, attend a prestigious university. Then you'll be something."
It means, only by admitted into an elite university, you become special. Otherwise you are nobody.
In school, the teachers told us: "Study hard so you can find a good job. Only then you can live happily ever after."
So happiness comes with a job, and the price you pay for getting one is taking your time studying.
When we finally got a job, our boss commanded us: "Work slave! Work! If you work hard then you can get your salary. If you have money then you can get married and have kids."
What they are trying to say is, if you want to enjoy the life of a family man, you need to work like a mindless drone. The love of your soul mate has its price.
In the end, we finally realize that we've been had.
Even with degree and job, family, money, happiness and satisfaction won't always come along. What we seek have always eluded us. In our despair, we try harder. Some people work overtime to earn that extra money they believe will do the trick. Some people devote their whole life in a career, hoping one day they'll get a promotion and be content. But they are wrong. Some have worked to their last breathe, others keep seeking until they can't go on anymore. The modern man is a jaded man. Burdened by responsibilities oozing from every direction, barely standing on his own feet.
The fact they never perceived is, those things they seek are not conditional. Love is not conditional; happiness is not conditional; living a content life should've never been made conditional. You don't need reasons to love someone and be loved. People with job can feel they should be happy for having a job. But even people without a real job can enjoy life.
Happiness doesn't come from having a job, a family, wealth, or even the most basic requirements for a good life. Happiness is there as long as you want it, and find it among even the smallest pleasures in your life. Like taking a beer with your friends and telling some joke, or playing a song for the person you like most. Before, my parents always criticized our poor relatives for being uneducated and deprived of ambition. They lived in poverty but remained content nevertheless. Years passed, my parents don't point my relatives the fingers anymore. I guess even an university professor can learn a lot about life from an average laborer. This professor happens to be my mom.
It reminded me of a story I read: one American Harvard student and one Mexican fisherman were talking about life. The American said he would finish first in his class. He'll work on Wall Street, accumulate some wealth and fortune. Once the retirement is here, he'll buy a house on an island in the Caribbean, drinking all night long next to a bonfire, playing a banjo and surround himself with beautiful girls. The Mexican said: man, this is how I live my life every day!
Do you hear me? If you want to live a life in paradise, you don't have to live through hell to get there. Never.
torsdag 15 april 2010
zt：美国大学生无论自己考试成绩多烂，但总认为自己最好~~~美国教育杂谈
美国的大学生无论考分如何低，都觉得自己是最好的；无论观点如何幼稚，都觉得自己是最重要的。大多数美国大学生在课堂上都自我感觉良好，特把自己当根葱。他们在班上当众发言可以侃侃而谈，面对校外的公众演讲也同样从容不迫。美国教育中似乎的确有一个魔幻环节，让学生们年纪轻轻，就怀有这样的自信和从容。
在我看来，美国教育的最亮点在于：它可以把一个学生的数理化都教得很差很差，却让这个学生相信自己画的画很像毕加索的。这个系统完全就是有预谋地忽略学生的缺点，同时拼命发掘和培养学生的优点。因此很多机关巧妙的鼓励教育被发明出来，但是却很少有像样的严厉的惩罚教育。从小到大，学生从家长和老师那里听到的都是：你是最棒的！（即使不是最棒的），你也是最独特的（这句话非常保险。就是运用最精密的科学计算，这句话也一点都不错）！所以在美国人心里，“与众不同”是一个很有腔势的褒义词。美国大学生做什么都显得自信满满，因为做的好做得差都十分独特，十分“与众不同。”
学生们毕业的时候，甚至有些在还没有大学毕业的时候，就大体能了解到自己擅长和喜欢做的事。大学的四年里，他们可以选不同专业的课、做不同的课外工作、通过实习来尝试到底什么最适合自己。大学教育的成功并不在于灌输了多少知识，而在于让学生有足够的机会了解和发现自己，并且建立更多的自信。学生选择专业与工作的一个十分重要的标准是看自己是否有兴趣。兴趣比赚多少来得重要。因为感觉自己是根葱，美国的大学生从来不在钱上面委屈自己。钱算什么东西？自己的兴趣和时间才最重要。有兴趣才有创造力，有创造力才能赚钱。虽然美国人以数学不好著称，这个公式却算得没错。
“不委屈自己”这样的信条不但体现在赚钱花钱上，也体现在读书生活的各个方面。在土生土长的美国学生里面，很少见到压抑的个性。所以虽然美国的外交政策在全世界都不那么讨好，美国人的阳光笑容还是自有它的一番感染力。美国学生只要是遭遇不平，一定不会默默忍受。即使个性安静的，内心也非常的骄傲强大。如果对考分有争议，他们说的最多的一句话就是：这对我不公平。其实，几乎对任何有争议的事情，学生说的最多的都是：这对我不公平。美国学生对自己的权利维护得非常好。做老师的，最重要就是要一碗水端平。对自己心爱和不心爱的学生都要完全一致。比如有个好的实习机会，做老师的就要对全班所有人宣布这个机会，让大家公平竞争，而不是把机会留给自己喜欢的学生。
大学教授再不懂如何教学的，也深知一句鼓励学生提问的很管用的口头禅：没有愚蠢的问题……换句话说，无论学生的提问有多么愚蠢，做老师的一样要耐心解释。并且不能丝毫流露出对学生智商的怀疑。我上过一个给教师开的教学学习班。在班上传道的老教授被问到：如果学生问了一个刚刚解释过的问题该怎么办？老教授说：那就再解释一遍！无论多么有个性的教授，我也从来没有见过敢于当众出言羞辱或者打击学生的。最多拿学生开个无伤大雅，也不伤心情的玩笑。对于叛逆的学生，只要他不触犯校规，完全是听之任之。既没有班长来以身作则，也没有班主任的循循善诱，甚至根本没有班级一说。学生的“思想政治工作”是开了一个大大的天窗。
大学教育从来都不是双人舞。学生和教授的流利配合固然重要。但是学生自信不自信，从容不从容，很大程度上和整个社会如何要求和对待他们相关。美国的个人主义不但在校园盛行，在社会的各个地方都很走俏。在培植个性的同时，不让“个性”伤人的办法之一就是对他人的尊重。所以美国学生在展示他们亮丽的个性尾巴的时候也同时被要求考虑他人的感受
在我看来，美国教育的最亮点在于：它可以把一个学生的数理化都教得很差很差，却让这个学生相信自己画的画很像毕加索的。这个系统完全就是有预谋地忽略学生的缺点，同时拼命发掘和培养学生的优点。因此很多机关巧妙的鼓励教育被发明出来，但是却很少有像样的严厉的惩罚教育。从小到大，学生从家长和老师那里听到的都是：你是最棒的！（即使不是最棒的），你也是最独特的（这句话非常保险。就是运用最精密的科学计算，这句话也一点都不错）！所以在美国人心里，“与众不同”是一个很有腔势的褒义词。美国大学生做什么都显得自信满满，因为做的好做得差都十分独特，十分“与众不同。”
学生们毕业的时候，甚至有些在还没有大学毕业的时候，就大体能了解到自己擅长和喜欢做的事。大学的四年里，他们可以选不同专业的课、做不同的课外工作、通过实习来尝试到底什么最适合自己。大学教育的成功并不在于灌输了多少知识，而在于让学生有足够的机会了解和发现自己，并且建立更多的自信。学生选择专业与工作的一个十分重要的标准是看自己是否有兴趣。兴趣比赚多少来得重要。因为感觉自己是根葱，美国的大学生从来不在钱上面委屈自己。钱算什么东西？自己的兴趣和时间才最重要。有兴趣才有创造力，有创造力才能赚钱。虽然美国人以数学不好著称，这个公式却算得没错。
“不委屈自己”这样的信条不但体现在赚钱花钱上，也体现在读书生活的各个方面。在土生土长的美国学生里面，很少见到压抑的个性。所以虽然美国的外交政策在全世界都不那么讨好，美国人的阳光笑容还是自有它的一番感染力。美国学生只要是遭遇不平，一定不会默默忍受。即使个性安静的，内心也非常的骄傲强大。如果对考分有争议，他们说的最多的一句话就是：这对我不公平。其实，几乎对任何有争议的事情，学生说的最多的都是：这对我不公平。美国学生对自己的权利维护得非常好。做老师的，最重要就是要一碗水端平。对自己心爱和不心爱的学生都要完全一致。比如有个好的实习机会，做老师的就要对全班所有人宣布这个机会，让大家公平竞争，而不是把机会留给自己喜欢的学生。
大学教授再不懂如何教学的，也深知一句鼓励学生提问的很管用的口头禅：没有愚蠢的问题……换句话说，无论学生的提问有多么愚蠢，做老师的一样要耐心解释。并且不能丝毫流露出对学生智商的怀疑。我上过一个给教师开的教学学习班。在班上传道的老教授被问到：如果学生问了一个刚刚解释过的问题该怎么办？老教授说：那就再解释一遍！无论多么有个性的教授，我也从来没有见过敢于当众出言羞辱或者打击学生的。最多拿学生开个无伤大雅，也不伤心情的玩笑。对于叛逆的学生，只要他不触犯校规，完全是听之任之。既没有班长来以身作则，也没有班主任的循循善诱，甚至根本没有班级一说。学生的“思想政治工作”是开了一个大大的天窗。
大学教育从来都不是双人舞。学生和教授的流利配合固然重要。但是学生自信不自信，从容不从容，很大程度上和整个社会如何要求和对待他们相关。美国的个人主义不但在校园盛行，在社会的各个地方都很走俏。在培植个性的同时，不让“个性”伤人的办法之一就是对他人的尊重。所以美国学生在展示他们亮丽的个性尾巴的时候也同时被要求考虑他人的感受
onsdag 31 mars 2010
从美国看欧洲文化
俗话说：旁观者清。
人在处于当局者这个角色是，往往看不清事实。有时是因为利益所在，逼得你千方百计地思考如何能收回最大成本；有时是一种wishful thinking，让你不想去接受和面对眼前的事实。总之，每每当一个人离开了江湖或官场后，暮然回首的一刹那才会大彻大悟。
我也是一样。十年前到瑞典，在瑞典社会混了这么久，对这个国家的理解还是很肤浅。瑞典人口稀少，社会稳定，用国际政治上比较低调的“老好人”位置换来了一片和平国土。瑞典媒体的新闻从来没有很强的轰动效应。大部分时间那些政客讨论的话题无非就是改动最低工资的数额，税收的百分比。这跟中国很不一样。在国内，一个煤矿爆炸的大场面就够瑞典媒体转播十年了。本人曾经讥笑过瑞典人的小家子气：做一个小小的决定都很费力，惹得全国上下政客平民知识分子人人都在讨论，到最后还是不了了之。他们干吗不把力气花在更加宏伟的事业上呢？比如说“推进具有瑞典特色社会主义民主政治的伟大进程”。
我在2009年夏季来到美国康奈尔大学做为时一年的交换学习。在离开瑞典这个文化氛围之后，我才看清楚了瑞典，以及欧洲文化的亮点。
美国的文化，其实与中国当代文化极其相似，与欧洲文化却不相同。美国人的经典概念是美国梦：只要你流够了汗，出够了力，那你方可以成为人上人。MC 歌手 Jay-Z 描述纽约生活的歌曲，Empire State of Mind 也唱过：if I can make it here I can make it anywhere，如果我能在纽约市得到成功，那我在哪里都是成功人士。纽约文化是一种优胜劣汰的演变产物。这种氛围充满了对强者的崇拜与对弱者的不屑。康奈尔在上个月有三个工程院学生跳崖自杀。抛开一切外界因素，在我看来根本原因就是课业太重。而校领导唯一所做的就是在校园桥梁上安装铁丝网，呼吁学生们见心理师。这种治表不治里的方法管不管用还需要我们拭目以待。那一周本人在fb上发过一帖，大意就是询问康奈尔工学院要死几个人才能迫使校领导减负。此言一出，立即遭到众人讨伐。身边的好友们责怪我偏激，不该认为校长及教授们要对学生的死负责。本人一向争强好胜，调过头来针锋相对地反驳回去，并问道：如果康奈尔校长要你帮忙避免学生自杀，你会怎么办？有没有比减负更好更根本的解决办法？对方哑口无言。有人接受了我的观点，但同时提出：康奈尔现有的课业负担是必要的。此说法间接地来讲就是，如果现有的课业逼得学生自杀，那康奈尔为了保证学生质量，每年靠高度压力整死几个人也是必要的。这种为了成功而经历非人的折磨，以精神健康和生命换来事业的范式，就是美国梦最露骨的表现。
心灵的转折点在2010年春假。美国大学在三月底四月初通常给学生一星期的休息时间。学生们利用这段时间，要么抓紧补课迎接下一轮的考试，要么抓紧时间外出旅游积攒阅历。作为国际交换生，我按常规选择了后者。在这次假期之前，本人也曾多次外出旅游。秋季曾去过尼亚加拉瀑布，波士顿和纽约市。冬假期间又飞往加州，游览了旧金山，洛杉矶，在当地朋友带领下游玩了硅谷，又与他家人一起共进圣诞晚宴。不过值得说明的是，前几次外出的伙伴都属于“亚洲游客”那一类：争取在短时间内跑过n个景点，在每一处地点停下抓紧时间拍照（大部分是自拍），然后匆匆忙忙前往下一个目的地再如法炮制。如此之游，更不如说是赶集。拍照的性质无非就是为了能向亲朋好友炫耀一番，证明自己去过了某国某城某地。这次春假我跟一帮欧洲交换生们去了新奥尔良，他们的玩法与之前相比简直有天壤之别。玩的过程，让我领略到了欧洲文化的另一面。
这次旅行一个月前，所有的欧系国际交换生们会聚一堂，讨论春假计划。考虑过的地点有美国的加州，迈阿密，新奥尔良，Panama City，还有加勒比海的Bahamas，Dominican Republic 与古巴。最后有十一人决定去新奥尔良，三人去墨西哥，其他几个散户各走各的。去新奥尔良的有一半人买了一周的往返机票，剩下的买了四天往返。可是所有人只订了四晚的旅馆。也就是说，离开纽约之前，这些人不知道四天后住哪里。我们一行人没有参观多少景点。新奥尔良有个著名的法国区，这个区的 Bourbon Street 是人们娱乐的场所。沿街所处放眼望去，酒吧，夜总会，餐馆，以及色情场馆应有尽有。我们没有一晚不去法国区，没有一晚不喝醉。第一天出去时两个男生在酒吧勾搭上一对当地的姐妹。两个女孩是典型的路易斯安那白人，有法国血统。这哥俩那一晚上就给人家当情人去了。那晚还有三个哥们去看脱衣舞，一个喝醉了的给舞女塞了钞票之后竟然要她找零钱。舞女当然不给。我在此之前从来没有玩得这么开心过。这个春假之行有很多疯狂的故事可讲。
我们周六到达新奥尔良，周三晚上就没处可住了。众人一商量，决定：租辆车来个road trip， 至于往东走还是往西走，以投币决定。东边可以穿过 Mississippi 和 Alabama 两个州，去佛罗里达的Panama City；西边穿越路易斯安那，进入德州。投币结果：往西走。我们最远走到了德州的休斯敦。后来我仔细一想，如果我事先知道要去休斯敦，那在看到休斯敦城市的一瞬间就不会如此兴奋了。事先不知，反而赐予了人们探险者的感官以及发现“宝藏”的快感。在丰田中心前与奥拉朱旺的雕塑合影留念时，我说我做梦都没有想到会有这一天。回到 Ithaca 的寒舍，照片没几张，见识倒是长了。
我后来想，为什么这次旅行玩得额外high呢？总结下来无非有这几点。
欧洲人敢花钱。他们不会在花了200美元买了机票后认为60美元的公园票价支付不起。之前有朋友，在葡萄牙的里斯本认为水族馆的15欧元比较贵而放弃。我们为了去这个水族馆，半个城市都穿越了，偏偏在门口打了退堂鼓。欧洲人到一个新的国家，会把钱投在饭馆里用来品尝当地特色食物和美酒，体验当地文化。中国人呢？很多时候买快餐，吃方便面。欧洲学生们年纪比较大，有几年的工作经历，所以腰包里有钱。最近康奈尔的一项研究表明，花钱买良好的感觉和经历是能给人带来持久快乐的。国内的朋友们花钱还是大方一点吧。
欧洲人社会阅历比较丰富。欧洲国家较小，语言文化各有特色。这种多样性环境造就了见多识广的年轻一代。很多欧洲人在其他国家工作过，会说多门语言，会开车。他们对人际关系的发展也很重视。我们在街头可以随便找个路人聊天，一聊就是半个小时。这是很多中国孩子从来不会试图去做的。持有驾照也很关键。欧盟的驾照在很多国家都有效，有能力开车给人一种新的自由，那就是行动自由。通常人的一天行程局限在十公里内。有车那就要以几百公里来算了。
最重要的一点，那就是欧洲人的世界观。西欧和北欧国家比较富裕，社会体系保障很好。年轻人们不光有人生第一次机会，还有第二次，第三次，甚至是第四次。对于欧洲人来说，Life is a web of endless opportunities，生命是无限的机会所编织成的网络。年轻时不懂事，走了歪路，社会不嫌弃你而允许你改过自新。瑞典大学如果因为疏忽而录取一名服刑满役的杀人犯，也不能以此人是杀人犯做借口开除此人。在美国及亚洲，那些仅有的第一次机会还不能够满足所有人的需求，那也不需要考虑不存在的第二次机会了。你可以说这就是为什么死刑在这类国家比较容易被人接受的原因：白养一个囚犯不如赏他一颗子弹。欧洲人在众多选择余地面前，往往不会着急。很多年轻人在高中毕业后不局限自己的专业，而是先工作一两年，旅游一两年，等到感觉自己足够了解自己了，明白自己是谁，想要什么之后再进入象牙塔深造。欧洲人工作是为了活着，上学是为了能找到好一点的工作从而更好地活着。这跟我们投币决定旅行路线是一个道理：因为选择多所以有些无所谓。既然怎么走都行，那干脆让巧合来决定。在欧洲外的某些国家，人们活着是为了工作。我在康奈尔的一个丹麦朋友过着花花公子一般的生活。他高中毕业后打了一年工，暑假甚至是一天两班，在短时间内聚积了一笔可观的数目。他用这笔钱去45个国家旅游。按他的说法，从欧洲去泰国越南这类地方，虽然机票不便宜，但只要一落地，生活开销就比欧洲小很多。每天5美元便可活得像个土皇帝。他白天参观景点，晚上进入娱乐场所喝酒或是找个伙伴过夜。凭他“北欧版布拉德皮特”的相貌，此人在哪里都可屡屡得手。我第一次见到他时他给我的印象是：此人潇洒，自信程度高得绝无仅有，他也才22岁。此人大学本科专业是自然资源管理，因为他那时候比较理想化，很想毕业后拯救热带雨林。现在他已经是个不折不扣的实用主义者，本科后，他跟我说，要去考商学院。作为一个现代男人，如果事业有成并且还能顾及到儿女情长，这样的人生已经让很多人羡慕了。在欧洲人眼里，这并不是难事。活着是一个事实，既然人活着，那干脆让自己活得舒服点。人工作是为了挣钱从而可以消费。上学是为了以后能找到好一点的工作从而促进消费能力，以及快乐程度。美国人和亚洲人走得远到与这条准则背道而驰的程度了：拼命找到好工作，拼命上好学校，倾家荡产地给孩子提供学费，然后把挣来的钱积攒起来，没有任何时间和精力去享受自己的劳动成果。等到人老了，退休了才发现：钱是随时可以挣的，青春和健康却一去不返了。到那时已经来不及吃后悔药。
这次旅行后，我看自己是一个亚洲裔欧洲人，我有选择的权利。我可以选择想亚洲人那样兢兢业业地创造生活，也可以选择一个欧洲人的道路，轰轰烈烈地享受生活。回到家的这几天，我从来没有像现在这样感觉自己如此欧洲化。既然亚洲学生的终极本领是学习和应付考试，他们需要的是学会怎么玩。在这方面，薄瓜瓜是个英雄人物。我接下来要走的第一步就是：回到康奈尔，开始玩！Ithaca 的酒吧夜总会，你们等着我的大驾光临吧。
人在处于当局者这个角色是，往往看不清事实。有时是因为利益所在，逼得你千方百计地思考如何能收回最大成本；有时是一种wishful thinking，让你不想去接受和面对眼前的事实。总之，每每当一个人离开了江湖或官场后，暮然回首的一刹那才会大彻大悟。
我也是一样。十年前到瑞典，在瑞典社会混了这么久，对这个国家的理解还是很肤浅。瑞典人口稀少，社会稳定，用国际政治上比较低调的“老好人”位置换来了一片和平国土。瑞典媒体的新闻从来没有很强的轰动效应。大部分时间那些政客讨论的话题无非就是改动最低工资的数额，税收的百分比。这跟中国很不一样。在国内，一个煤矿爆炸的大场面就够瑞典媒体转播十年了。本人曾经讥笑过瑞典人的小家子气：做一个小小的决定都很费力，惹得全国上下政客平民知识分子人人都在讨论，到最后还是不了了之。他们干吗不把力气花在更加宏伟的事业上呢？比如说“推进具有瑞典特色社会主义民主政治的伟大进程”。
我在2009年夏季来到美国康奈尔大学做为时一年的交换学习。在离开瑞典这个文化氛围之后，我才看清楚了瑞典，以及欧洲文化的亮点。
美国的文化，其实与中国当代文化极其相似，与欧洲文化却不相同。美国人的经典概念是美国梦：只要你流够了汗，出够了力，那你方可以成为人上人。MC 歌手 Jay-Z 描述纽约生活的歌曲，Empire State of Mind 也唱过：if I can make it here I can make it anywhere，如果我能在纽约市得到成功，那我在哪里都是成功人士。纽约文化是一种优胜劣汰的演变产物。这种氛围充满了对强者的崇拜与对弱者的不屑。康奈尔在上个月有三个工程院学生跳崖自杀。抛开一切外界因素，在我看来根本原因就是课业太重。而校领导唯一所做的就是在校园桥梁上安装铁丝网，呼吁学生们见心理师。这种治表不治里的方法管不管用还需要我们拭目以待。那一周本人在fb上发过一帖，大意就是询问康奈尔工学院要死几个人才能迫使校领导减负。此言一出，立即遭到众人讨伐。身边的好友们责怪我偏激，不该认为校长及教授们要对学生的死负责。本人一向争强好胜，调过头来针锋相对地反驳回去，并问道：如果康奈尔校长要你帮忙避免学生自杀，你会怎么办？有没有比减负更好更根本的解决办法？对方哑口无言。有人接受了我的观点，但同时提出：康奈尔现有的课业负担是必要的。此说法间接地来讲就是，如果现有的课业逼得学生自杀，那康奈尔为了保证学生质量，每年靠高度压力整死几个人也是必要的。这种为了成功而经历非人的折磨，以精神健康和生命换来事业的范式，就是美国梦最露骨的表现。
心灵的转折点在2010年春假。美国大学在三月底四月初通常给学生一星期的休息时间。学生们利用这段时间，要么抓紧补课迎接下一轮的考试，要么抓紧时间外出旅游积攒阅历。作为国际交换生，我按常规选择了后者。在这次假期之前，本人也曾多次外出旅游。秋季曾去过尼亚加拉瀑布，波士顿和纽约市。冬假期间又飞往加州，游览了旧金山，洛杉矶，在当地朋友带领下游玩了硅谷，又与他家人一起共进圣诞晚宴。不过值得说明的是，前几次外出的伙伴都属于“亚洲游客”那一类：争取在短时间内跑过n个景点，在每一处地点停下抓紧时间拍照（大部分是自拍），然后匆匆忙忙前往下一个目的地再如法炮制。如此之游，更不如说是赶集。拍照的性质无非就是为了能向亲朋好友炫耀一番，证明自己去过了某国某城某地。这次春假我跟一帮欧洲交换生们去了新奥尔良，他们的玩法与之前相比简直有天壤之别。玩的过程，让我领略到了欧洲文化的另一面。
这次旅行一个月前，所有的欧系国际交换生们会聚一堂，讨论春假计划。考虑过的地点有美国的加州，迈阿密，新奥尔良，Panama City，还有加勒比海的Bahamas，Dominican Republic 与古巴。最后有十一人决定去新奥尔良，三人去墨西哥，其他几个散户各走各的。去新奥尔良的有一半人买了一周的往返机票，剩下的买了四天往返。可是所有人只订了四晚的旅馆。也就是说，离开纽约之前，这些人不知道四天后住哪里。我们一行人没有参观多少景点。新奥尔良有个著名的法国区，这个区的 Bourbon Street 是人们娱乐的场所。沿街所处放眼望去，酒吧，夜总会，餐馆，以及色情场馆应有尽有。我们没有一晚不去法国区，没有一晚不喝醉。第一天出去时两个男生在酒吧勾搭上一对当地的姐妹。两个女孩是典型的路易斯安那白人，有法国血统。这哥俩那一晚上就给人家当情人去了。那晚还有三个哥们去看脱衣舞，一个喝醉了的给舞女塞了钞票之后竟然要她找零钱。舞女当然不给。我在此之前从来没有玩得这么开心过。这个春假之行有很多疯狂的故事可讲。
我们周六到达新奥尔良，周三晚上就没处可住了。众人一商量，决定：租辆车来个road trip， 至于往东走还是往西走，以投币决定。东边可以穿过 Mississippi 和 Alabama 两个州，去佛罗里达的Panama City；西边穿越路易斯安那，进入德州。投币结果：往西走。我们最远走到了德州的休斯敦。后来我仔细一想，如果我事先知道要去休斯敦，那在看到休斯敦城市的一瞬间就不会如此兴奋了。事先不知，反而赐予了人们探险者的感官以及发现“宝藏”的快感。在丰田中心前与奥拉朱旺的雕塑合影留念时，我说我做梦都没有想到会有这一天。回到 Ithaca 的寒舍，照片没几张，见识倒是长了。
我后来想，为什么这次旅行玩得额外high呢？总结下来无非有这几点。
欧洲人敢花钱。他们不会在花了200美元买了机票后认为60美元的公园票价支付不起。之前有朋友，在葡萄牙的里斯本认为水族馆的15欧元比较贵而放弃。我们为了去这个水族馆，半个城市都穿越了，偏偏在门口打了退堂鼓。欧洲人到一个新的国家，会把钱投在饭馆里用来品尝当地特色食物和美酒，体验当地文化。中国人呢？很多时候买快餐，吃方便面。欧洲学生们年纪比较大，有几年的工作经历，所以腰包里有钱。最近康奈尔的一项研究表明，花钱买良好的感觉和经历是能给人带来持久快乐的。国内的朋友们花钱还是大方一点吧。
欧洲人社会阅历比较丰富。欧洲国家较小，语言文化各有特色。这种多样性环境造就了见多识广的年轻一代。很多欧洲人在其他国家工作过，会说多门语言，会开车。他们对人际关系的发展也很重视。我们在街头可以随便找个路人聊天，一聊就是半个小时。这是很多中国孩子从来不会试图去做的。持有驾照也很关键。欧盟的驾照在很多国家都有效，有能力开车给人一种新的自由，那就是行动自由。通常人的一天行程局限在十公里内。有车那就要以几百公里来算了。
最重要的一点，那就是欧洲人的世界观。西欧和北欧国家比较富裕，社会体系保障很好。年轻人们不光有人生第一次机会，还有第二次，第三次，甚至是第四次。对于欧洲人来说，Life is a web of endless opportunities，生命是无限的机会所编织成的网络。年轻时不懂事，走了歪路，社会不嫌弃你而允许你改过自新。瑞典大学如果因为疏忽而录取一名服刑满役的杀人犯，也不能以此人是杀人犯做借口开除此人。在美国及亚洲，那些仅有的第一次机会还不能够满足所有人的需求，那也不需要考虑不存在的第二次机会了。你可以说这就是为什么死刑在这类国家比较容易被人接受的原因：白养一个囚犯不如赏他一颗子弹。欧洲人在众多选择余地面前，往往不会着急。很多年轻人在高中毕业后不局限自己的专业，而是先工作一两年，旅游一两年，等到感觉自己足够了解自己了，明白自己是谁，想要什么之后再进入象牙塔深造。欧洲人工作是为了活着，上学是为了能找到好一点的工作从而更好地活着。这跟我们投币决定旅行路线是一个道理：因为选择多所以有些无所谓。既然怎么走都行，那干脆让巧合来决定。在欧洲外的某些国家，人们活着是为了工作。我在康奈尔的一个丹麦朋友过着花花公子一般的生活。他高中毕业后打了一年工，暑假甚至是一天两班，在短时间内聚积了一笔可观的数目。他用这笔钱去45个国家旅游。按他的说法，从欧洲去泰国越南这类地方，虽然机票不便宜，但只要一落地，生活开销就比欧洲小很多。每天5美元便可活得像个土皇帝。他白天参观景点，晚上进入娱乐场所喝酒或是找个伙伴过夜。凭他“北欧版布拉德皮特”的相貌，此人在哪里都可屡屡得手。我第一次见到他时他给我的印象是：此人潇洒，自信程度高得绝无仅有，他也才22岁。此人大学本科专业是自然资源管理，因为他那时候比较理想化，很想毕业后拯救热带雨林。现在他已经是个不折不扣的实用主义者，本科后，他跟我说，要去考商学院。作为一个现代男人，如果事业有成并且还能顾及到儿女情长，这样的人生已经让很多人羡慕了。在欧洲人眼里，这并不是难事。活着是一个事实，既然人活着，那干脆让自己活得舒服点。人工作是为了挣钱从而可以消费。上学是为了以后能找到好一点的工作从而促进消费能力，以及快乐程度。美国人和亚洲人走得远到与这条准则背道而驰的程度了：拼命找到好工作，拼命上好学校，倾家荡产地给孩子提供学费，然后把挣来的钱积攒起来，没有任何时间和精力去享受自己的劳动成果。等到人老了，退休了才发现：钱是随时可以挣的，青春和健康却一去不返了。到那时已经来不及吃后悔药。
这次旅行后，我看自己是一个亚洲裔欧洲人，我有选择的权利。我可以选择想亚洲人那样兢兢业业地创造生活，也可以选择一个欧洲人的道路，轰轰烈烈地享受生活。回到家的这几天，我从来没有像现在这样感觉自己如此欧洲化。既然亚洲学生的终极本领是学习和应付考试，他们需要的是学会怎么玩。在这方面，薄瓜瓜是个英雄人物。我接下来要走的第一步就是：回到康奈尔，开始玩！Ithaca 的酒吧夜总会，你们等着我的大驾光临吧。
söndag 28 mars 2010
A few thoughts on the recent Cornell suicides.
Last month, three Cornellian died. Three guys, all of them engineering students and all of them jumped from a bridge into Ithaca's gorges. When I came back home from my Spring Break, I saw the newly built fences around the bridges. They looked so ugly. What they tell you is the indisputable fact that with the 6 deaths this year, Cornell has been branded as a suicide school for years to come.
I don't know what you think about it, I myself have a few opinions regarding Cornell's suicides. I'm from Sweden. For that reason, my suggestions may sound radical to some of you. Then again if they don't appease you, please take them as jokes.
In Swedish universities, the students decide. The relation between the officials of an university and the students are like salesmen and customers. Everything can be purchased for a price, even education. This is especially true since private schools like Cornell demand a high tuition fee. However, in Sweden, if your sellers are doing bad, you have the right to complain, sue them and put them out of their business. The latter part is more or less unheard of in US. If a Swedish professor mistreats the students (e.g. by making the exams impossible), he/she better start looking for a new job, cause it won't take long before the "customers" rebel and put the "salesperson" out of business. Ultimately, since the professors are the ones giving out the grades, the Swedish system has devised strategies to prevent the professors from abusing their power. There are rules limiting the number of exams you can take per week. If students fail an exam, the professors are obliged to write make-up exams, at least in one year since the first exam taken. In each major program the student body help deciding the outline of the major curriculum, suggesting which classes should be taught first, which extracurricular classes are good to take, etc. What you get is a liberal and democratic academic environment. In Cornell, I've only heard Student Assembly struggling to place more trash cans and vending machines on campus. In my opinion, this is not what they should be doing.
Since I'm from Sweden, I have never been "imprinted" to worship the professors like the kids in US and Asia. A few weeks ago I posted a comment on facebook, implying that Cornell president and the professors are partially responsible for the incidents. Moments later, a few of my good friends challenged my opinion. Most of them used hypothetical arguments, e.g. it's wrong to blame a person's suicide on another person, or accusing the college officials is out of line. One of them even said the weather was to blame. When I asked them to come up with suggestions of how you can prevent the suicides, their vivid defense arguments fall short and all of them said "oh god I don't know/oh god I never thought about it". The guy who blamed the weather was smart enough to not say that we should build a weather control in Ithaca.
To me and my fellow European exchange students, the answer is simple: when president David Skorton is urging people to seek help at counseling, he's solving the problem from the wrong end. Making people seek help is never as good as removing the necessity of seeking help. In Sweden we have universities located in desolate places like Ithaca. In Sweden the weather is even worse than in upstate New York. The Swedish universities are no Ivy League. But at least our students never kill themselves. There is a correlation between workload-related stress level and suicides. MIT has long had a higher suicide rate than the national average. Cornell's suicides come from the Engineering School. Do you notice something there?
What surprised me was that so many of my friends see the high workload and stress level at Cornell as justified, despite the deaths. This paradigm is more like "unless Cornell has a lethal amount of workload, or it will never keep up its reputation". It's true that other factors do play a role. Relationship issues and family issues all come into the picture somehow. I have to argue that. Cornell is known as the Ivy League school that is easiest to get in, but hardest to get out. The freshmen kids who left their home for the first time are hardly prepared to live with both isolation and academic stress. I once tried to help a friend in civil engineering with his MATLAB project. To my surprise, the difficulty of that homework is comparable to my final project in Java-programming. This guy had no prior experience in programming, so he was toast. The only thing that could help him was making him understand the overall concepts of programming. He needed to take a break, let his brain process the overwhelming amount of information, and finally "click", like how it worked for me. But in this situation, my friend was too stressed to let it happen. I thought, even if I get such a program as homework, I probably can't finish it on time. The compiling and debugging is just too time-consuming. At one point, I look into his eyes. God, I could read angst, stress and anxiety in his eyes. He looked like a rabbit chased by wolves. If you have to deal with this kind of stress everyday, how can it not make you crazy?
This chart is how I see it happening:
high tuition + too many difficult classes
--> low grades + bad career prospect + little time for other things
--> life issues (relationship, lack of social competence, payback of loans, finding good job)
--> more issues
--> nervous breakdown
-->......
Practically, there are many things you can do. Most of them involve more professor participation in student consideration.
Make the final week into two or more weeks, opening up alternative time slots for final exams to increase the time gap between each exam, thus spreading out the high stress level at the end of each semester.
Systematically remove the hardest problem on any exam, extend the exam hours. Make sure that at least half of the students can actually finish answering all the questions. It happened to me in BEE 3500 that nobody finished the second prelim despite some extra 30 minutes.
Put up at least a sample prelim, final and/or midterm online for every course, so the students are more confident in what they study and more confident in their ability of dealing with the exams. Ideally, if you've studied enough you should handle any exam. In reality, it's hardly the case.
Make sure the professors actually try to solve the problems before giving them out on an exam. If the professor has to correct errors in an exam paper during the exam, then he/she obviously didn't do the job.
It's true that Ithaca is desolate and the weather crappy. What the college official should be doing is compensate for that by making everybody happier. If there is anybody capable of saving the lives of innocent students, it's the president and the professors. They should use and not abuse their power.
I don't know what you think about it, I myself have a few opinions regarding Cornell's suicides. I'm from Sweden. For that reason, my suggestions may sound radical to some of you. Then again if they don't appease you, please take them as jokes.
In Swedish universities, the students decide. The relation between the officials of an university and the students are like salesmen and customers. Everything can be purchased for a price, even education. This is especially true since private schools like Cornell demand a high tuition fee. However, in Sweden, if your sellers are doing bad, you have the right to complain, sue them and put them out of their business. The latter part is more or less unheard of in US. If a Swedish professor mistreats the students (e.g. by making the exams impossible), he/she better start looking for a new job, cause it won't take long before the "customers" rebel and put the "salesperson" out of business. Ultimately, since the professors are the ones giving out the grades, the Swedish system has devised strategies to prevent the professors from abusing their power. There are rules limiting the number of exams you can take per week. If students fail an exam, the professors are obliged to write make-up exams, at least in one year since the first exam taken. In each major program the student body help deciding the outline of the major curriculum, suggesting which classes should be taught first, which extracurricular classes are good to take, etc. What you get is a liberal and democratic academic environment. In Cornell, I've only heard Student Assembly struggling to place more trash cans and vending machines on campus. In my opinion, this is not what they should be doing.
Since I'm from Sweden, I have never been "imprinted" to worship the professors like the kids in US and Asia. A few weeks ago I posted a comment on facebook, implying that Cornell president and the professors are partially responsible for the incidents. Moments later, a few of my good friends challenged my opinion. Most of them used hypothetical arguments, e.g. it's wrong to blame a person's suicide on another person, or accusing the college officials is out of line. One of them even said the weather was to blame. When I asked them to come up with suggestions of how you can prevent the suicides, their vivid defense arguments fall short and all of them said "oh god I don't know/oh god I never thought about it". The guy who blamed the weather was smart enough to not say that we should build a weather control in Ithaca.
To me and my fellow European exchange students, the answer is simple: when president David Skorton is urging people to seek help at counseling, he's solving the problem from the wrong end. Making people seek help is never as good as removing the necessity of seeking help. In Sweden we have universities located in desolate places like Ithaca. In Sweden the weather is even worse than in upstate New York. The Swedish universities are no Ivy League. But at least our students never kill themselves. There is a correlation between workload-related stress level and suicides. MIT has long had a higher suicide rate than the national average. Cornell's suicides come from the Engineering School. Do you notice something there?
What surprised me was that so many of my friends see the high workload and stress level at Cornell as justified, despite the deaths. This paradigm is more like "unless Cornell has a lethal amount of workload, or it will never keep up its reputation". It's true that other factors do play a role. Relationship issues and family issues all come into the picture somehow. I have to argue that. Cornell is known as the Ivy League school that is easiest to get in, but hardest to get out. The freshmen kids who left their home for the first time are hardly prepared to live with both isolation and academic stress. I once tried to help a friend in civil engineering with his MATLAB project. To my surprise, the difficulty of that homework is comparable to my final project in Java-programming. This guy had no prior experience in programming, so he was toast. The only thing that could help him was making him understand the overall concepts of programming. He needed to take a break, let his brain process the overwhelming amount of information, and finally "click", like how it worked for me. But in this situation, my friend was too stressed to let it happen. I thought, even if I get such a program as homework, I probably can't finish it on time. The compiling and debugging is just too time-consuming. At one point, I look into his eyes. God, I could read angst, stress and anxiety in his eyes. He looked like a rabbit chased by wolves. If you have to deal with this kind of stress everyday, how can it not make you crazy?
This chart is how I see it happening:
high tuition + too many difficult classes
--> low grades + bad career prospect + little time for other things
--> life issues (relationship, lack of social competence, payback of loans, finding good job)
--> more issues
--> nervous breakdown
-->......
Practically, there are many things you can do. Most of them involve more professor participation in student consideration.
Make the final week into two or more weeks, opening up alternative time slots for final exams to increase the time gap between each exam, thus spreading out the high stress level at the end of each semester.
Systematically remove the hardest problem on any exam, extend the exam hours. Make sure that at least half of the students can actually finish answering all the questions. It happened to me in BEE 3500 that nobody finished the second prelim despite some extra 30 minutes.
Put up at least a sample prelim, final and/or midterm online for every course, so the students are more confident in what they study and more confident in their ability of dealing with the exams. Ideally, if you've studied enough you should handle any exam. In reality, it's hardly the case.
Make sure the professors actually try to solve the problems before giving them out on an exam. If the professor has to correct errors in an exam paper during the exam, then he/she obviously didn't do the job.
It's true that Ithaca is desolate and the weather crappy. What the college official should be doing is compensate for that by making everybody happier. If there is anybody capable of saving the lives of innocent students, it's the president and the professors. They should use and not abuse their power.
lördag 27 mars 2010
Spring Break!
I just came back from my coolest trip ever! This Spring Break I went with a group of European exchange students to New Orleans. We had such a blast partying on Bourbon Street. Later, five of us rented a car to go on a road trip. We drove as far as to Houston in Texas. The pictures are on facebook now, you can go check them out.
Now that I think about it, how did my companions make this trip so enjoyable? The answer is simple.
The European exchange students do not hold back on spending money. If you have traveled far enough to another city by flight or whatever, the most stupid thing you can do is not paying the money for getting into parks, going out at night, and tasting the local cuisines. I have seen people thinking that 20 euro is too expensive to get into an Aquarium in Lisbon, after paying the 200 euro flight ticket. Other people save money on buying cheap fast food all the time. Seriously, get real.
The European exchange students are all older compared the Asian and American friends I have here. With age comes life experience. My travel companions all know how to drive, how to party and have fun as if there is no tomorrow. They have all traveled the world so all of them can talk about interesting topics and stories from their trips. They got good people skill, speak a few languages, can chat up any random stranger and hold an interesting conversation for at least half a hour.
When you are traveling with the European gang, there is much room for improvisation. Before flying to New Orleans, we booked the return tickets for a week. Since nobody knew how the city would be like, we just booked the hostel for 4 nights. After the 4 nights, we felt we saw most of the Bourbon Street. And since the hostel was full so the reservation couldn't be extended, we decided to go on a road trip. After renting the car, there was a small debate of either going west or east from New Orleans. The decision was made by a coin-flip: west we go. After eating lunch in the wilderness of Louisiana next to a wild alligator and walking on the beach of Mexican gulf, another coin-flip decided that we drive to Texas. Eventually Houston. If I knew before that we'd end up in Houston anyway, I'd be less excited when seeing Houston on the horizon.
Most crucial of all, the European students have a good worldview. Living your life isn't about money, family, or power. Since being alive is a fact, what you should be doing is maximizing your joy. Life doesn't have to be enjoyed through huge successes, these things are naturally hard to come by. Life can be enjoyed through small pleasures such as taking a beer and talking about controversial topics like drinks, drugs or sex. The Europeans here know what they want, and they don't hesitate or be afraid of anything. If you know what you are doing, taking years off working as a bartender is not wrong. The money you make can be saved for travel expenses. A Danish friend here took a year off after high school. He used his saving to visit 45 countries. Whenever he gets to a place, he spends the day exploring the tourist attractions, and night to get into clubs to hook up with some local. His confidence is overwhelming. Not to say his sexual-confidence. After experiencing all the crazy things during this trip, I finally perceived the European's way of life. As an Asian-European, I will pick the best of both worlds.
Now that I think about it, how did my companions make this trip so enjoyable? The answer is simple.
The European exchange students do not hold back on spending money. If you have traveled far enough to another city by flight or whatever, the most stupid thing you can do is not paying the money for getting into parks, going out at night, and tasting the local cuisines. I have seen people thinking that 20 euro is too expensive to get into an Aquarium in Lisbon, after paying the 200 euro flight ticket. Other people save money on buying cheap fast food all the time. Seriously, get real.
The European exchange students are all older compared the Asian and American friends I have here. With age comes life experience. My travel companions all know how to drive, how to party and have fun as if there is no tomorrow. They have all traveled the world so all of them can talk about interesting topics and stories from their trips. They got good people skill, speak a few languages, can chat up any random stranger and hold an interesting conversation for at least half a hour.
When you are traveling with the European gang, there is much room for improvisation. Before flying to New Orleans, we booked the return tickets for a week. Since nobody knew how the city would be like, we just booked the hostel for 4 nights. After the 4 nights, we felt we saw most of the Bourbon Street. And since the hostel was full so the reservation couldn't be extended, we decided to go on a road trip. After renting the car, there was a small debate of either going west or east from New Orleans. The decision was made by a coin-flip: west we go. After eating lunch in the wilderness of Louisiana next to a wild alligator and walking on the beach of Mexican gulf, another coin-flip decided that we drive to Texas. Eventually Houston. If I knew before that we'd end up in Houston anyway, I'd be less excited when seeing Houston on the horizon.
Most crucial of all, the European students have a good worldview. Living your life isn't about money, family, or power. Since being alive is a fact, what you should be doing is maximizing your joy. Life doesn't have to be enjoyed through huge successes, these things are naturally hard to come by. Life can be enjoyed through small pleasures such as taking a beer and talking about controversial topics like drinks, drugs or sex. The Europeans here know what they want, and they don't hesitate or be afraid of anything. If you know what you are doing, taking years off working as a bartender is not wrong. The money you make can be saved for travel expenses. A Danish friend here took a year off after high school. He used his saving to visit 45 countries. Whenever he gets to a place, he spends the day exploring the tourist attractions, and night to get into clubs to hook up with some local. His confidence is overwhelming. Not to say his sexual-confidence. After experiencing all the crazy things during this trip, I finally perceived the European's way of life. As an Asian-European, I will pick the best of both worlds.
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